Dancing With Fear
Fear can be a powerful beast if we let it. It can take over our lives and control every choice we make. Living from a place of fear keeps us trapped in our own psyche desperately craving safety trying to avoid pain at any cost.
I have lived the vast majority of my life trying to control people, situations and my image to avoid feeling my deepest fear of being powerless and ineffective. I have lived from a place of I am not powerful.
Shifting from Codependency to Inner Power
The choices I have made in my life have been based on the attitude about myself that I am powerless. When I talk about power, I am talking about inner power and inner strength.
It’s a power of knowing that I am (pardon the F bomb) fucking awesome and I don’t need anyone to tell me that, I just know that with all humility.
That is a huge attitude shift for me. I have never seen myself as having inner power. I have always looked outside of myself to feel good about who I am as a man. I built up my physique through bodybuilding to cover up my insecurities. My chronic overtraining caused inflammation to the point where every joint in my body ached. I looked powerful on the outside, but in reality, I was powerless on the inside.
Through my deep introspective journey over the past several years I have become acutely aware that I have given my power away to other people because I desperately craved external validation. I had no clue how to validate myself. I came off as needy and put out the energy of codependency every chance I could get.
It was a life of inner turmoil and low level sadness as my self-worth was dependent on what others thought of me. That left me in a state of quiet desperation feeling alone, unwanted and unloved.
Through enough pain and self-discovery I finally got to the point where I recognized that this faulty brain pattern wasn’t working and it didn’t work ever, but codependency was all I knew.
The journey of self-exploration has brought me to the point where I am today finding my own inner power from the inside out. I have stripped away the façade of my external image of bulky muscles trading it in for being healthy and full of vitality from the inside out.
My Power Is Based On How I See Myself
My power is solely based on how I see myself and seeing myself through God’s eyes. This is how God sees me, as a powerful man. I remind myself of this every day and sometimes minute by minute.
“For God did not give me a spirit of fear, but one of power, love and self-discipline.” 2nd Timothy 1:7
If I am living my life from a place of fear and powerlessness, I am not living from my higher self, I am living from my egoic mind that is trying to stay safe and protect myself. That is no way to live.
The more I step into my own power, the more energy I have and the bigger impact I can make in the world. I used to be deathly afraid of what people think of me. I would get this great idea and then tell myself it was stupid and not follow through out of fear of being embarrassed or not wanting to stand out in the crowd.
I Am Perfectly Imperfect
I am seeing that happen less in my life. I am opening up with courageous vulnerability no longer having to protect myself by letting people in on my imperfections. I am learning that being imperfect makes me powerful, not the unrealistic expectations of trying to be perfect. Being perfect is a lie that I told myself to make up for my deep feelings of unworthiness.
My life has taken on a completely different trajectory since having the realization that true power comes from the inside. I am not bumping up against my inner sensitivities like I have done in the past. Criticism doesn’t bother me like it used to.
If someone is unhappy and miserable that doesn’t mean I have to be unhappy and miserable. I can show them compassion, but I don’t have to spiral down into their misery with them. That is a complete shift for me.
In what area of your life are you giving your power away? This is a great time of the year to go inward. To do some deep reflection on what isn’t working in your life and make a radical change.
I am learning to dance with fear. My radical change is to see myself as powerful through the development of my own inner power. I am kicking codependency to the curb saying hasta la vista baby!
My One Word for 2022 is Fearless
Every year I choose one word that I want to live by. For 2022 that one word is fearless. When I feel fear, I want to lean into it and allow myself to dance with the fear. To experience the fear and move past it by getting out of my comfort zone.
2022 is the year for me to overcome my fears and step into my own inner power by believing in myself and accepting my own inner wisdom. It’s time to stop giving my power away and to start stepping into the powerful man I already am.
I want to encourage you to go deep into what isn’t working in your life and flip it upside down. It starts by seeing yourself differently. Get curious. Ask yourself questions. Don’t beat yourself up or shame yourself. Simply start where you are.
I am asking myself these questions. How would I show up in the world if I was fearless? What choice would I make right now standing in my own power not caring what others think of me? And then I take action by seeing myself as fearless and powerful. That is a whole different way of being for me, but the more I do it the more it will become second nature. Instead of shrinking back, I show up big in the world not afraid to stand out. That is mind blowing.
You get to do the same if you are willing to take a look in the mirror and do the inner work. Have fun with it. Play with it. Make it a dance as I am learning to dance with fear.
Founder and Creator of Barbells & Brothers