I am in the midst of recovering from a bout of vertigo. It’s something I have never experienced before and hope to never experience again. It has thrown me off balance physically and knocked me off center emotionally. It has been a month of room spins feeling disoriented.
As frustrating as it has been, there is a lesson I am being shown as I listen to my Higher Self. I am trying to understand what the possibility is for growth and expansion from this awful feeling of the spins.
This is the lesson I am being shown. Recently I finished my third manuscript for my book that I started quite some time ago. It has been a long process filled with self-doubt.
The inner critic has screamed at me relentlessly causing me to question my self-worth.
The voice inside my head says, “Who am I to write a book, especially one that shares my own personal story? I am not significant. My story doesn’t matter.”
Since finishing this third manuscript with lots of edits and rewrites still to go, I stopped writing. I stopped expressing myself creatively.
My Writing Is a Creative Outlet for Me
I now have a deeper realization that my real purpose for writing is for me. It’s a creative outlet that allows me to get my thoughts from my head to my heart. It’s a form of meditation and healing.
When I struggle with an illness or an ache or pain, I reference Louise Hay’s book, Heal Your Body A-Z: The Mental Causes for Physical Illness and the Way To Overcome Them.
I looked up dizziness in the book and here is what it had to say.
Problem: Flighty, scattered thinking. A refusal to look.
New Thought Pattern: I am deeply centered and peaceful in life. It is safe for me to be alive and joyous.
My Joy Brings People Pain
I have struggled to speak up for myself with ease. I have been concerned that being true to myself would cause someone else pain. My joy brings people pain so it’s not safe for me to be joyous.
The other area I have been challenged with is allowing myself to express my creativity through writing, being overly concerned with what others think about what I have to say.
I have written in a safe way trying not to offend anyone when I speak my truth. I have lost my inner peace many times over because of the over-caring of people’s opinion of me.
These are the habitual patterns that I am working on overcoming in my life.
I have either denied myself what makes me happy feeling trapped or I experience shame and guilt for doing what makes me happy.
It has felt like a no win situation feeling damned if I do and damned if I don’t.
It’s Safe For Me to Be Alive and Joyous
Moving forward I will write because I love to write. I will write because it helps me be centered and balanced. It makes me feel alive and joyous to create as an artist through the art of writing.
I will also do my best to speak up expressing my needs, because my needs are important. I can honor my needs while allowing others to express their needs. That sounds like a win-win situation to me. It’s much better than stifling who I am.
Like anything else, it will take patience and practice with lots of perseverance to express myself in a healthy way.
I am ready to be healed from this dizziness once and for all. It is safe for me to be alive and joyous doing what I love for me. Let the healing begin.
Inner Transformation Coach